07 February 2012

Song of the day: "You don't know/I am the one" by Tom Kitt and Brian Yorkey

I recently saw the Tony Award performance (2009) from next to normal. Wow! That's probably the best Tony performance I've seen, aside from Patti LuPone's bring-down-the-house rendition of "Everything's coming up roses" from Gypsy. I'm not sure what I was doing in 2009, but I did go see West Side Story. As far as I remember, it was a slow year for musicals. I vaguely heard about next to normal, but at the time, I wasn't interested in seeing a musical about mental illness.

next to normal isn't so much about mental illness, but about a dysfunctional family whose primary dysfunction happens to be the mother, Diana, who has bipolar disorder with delusions (though you find out that the father, Dan, has his own, more subtle problems). I'm not a huge fan of rock music, but I think it works pretty well in the big number "You don't know/I am the one" that the cast performed during the Tony Awards. The number isn't a typical beautiful ballad, splashy song, or Sondheimesque cabaret piece. It's really a huge fight between a husband and wife, but set to music. The rock music highlights the extreme emotions bouncing around during the scene.

All the actors are amazing. Diana (played by Alice Ripley) alternates between aggressively fighting off the "cage" erected by her illness and her husband, and looking scared to death and out of her mind. I sympathized with her frustration with well-meaning caretakers and her desire to lash out (most graphically depicted by her violently throwing cutlery). I found it riveting the way Ripley wears emotions on her face. She's menacing while waving knives at her husband, then seems afraid of him when he fights back (her body keeps shaking). She takes a step towards her husband and then bends backwards when he comes at her again. The way she looks terrified and about to crack when she has both her husband and her son singing to her in her ear, competing for her attention.

Dan (played by J. Robert Spencer) seems like the well-meaning, but exasperated and domineering caretaker. When he sings "I am the one who knows you/I am the one who cares/I am the one who's always been there," I couldn't help imagining the emotional blackmail that Diana and Dan are capable of inflicting on each other. I really liked how Spencer moved in time to the music. All the actors do this to some degree (almost like choreography), but Spencer does it really well when he walks behind his wife's back, after singing "And if you think that I just don't give a damn/ Then you just don't know who I am."

I enjoyed the so-called psycho-sexual tension going on between Diana and her son Gabe (played by Aaron Tviet). Actually, it looks like sexual tension, but (SPOILER) it's not because Gabe died when he was 18 months old. So he's really a metaphor for Diana's inner mind. I interpret the tension as Diana wanting to give in to her illness and stop all medical treatment (which she finds stifling and numbing). I think when you are struggling with a mental illness for so long (16 years in Diana's case), at some point you want to give up and embrace the illness. The illness becomes what's "normal" to you. It makes sense to me that the idea of embracing the illness is a kind of seduction. Society looks down on the notion of "giving up" on fighting illness (particularly mental illness, which some think of as a character flaw), so I find the metaphor of a forbidden, incestuous relationship rather apt.

I haven't seen the musical on stage, but I get the feeling that it's a serious, intense, intimate, and contemporary play that happens to be set to music. This makes next to normal novel and ground-breaking, which is probably why it won the 2010 Pulitzer Prize for Drama. There aren't many original musicals written in contemporary music that tackle hard issues like how mental illness damages a family. I'm extremely impressed with this work.
DIANA (spoken)
You know. Really? What, exactly, do you know?

DAN (spoken)
I know you're hurting. I am, too.

DIANA
Do you wake up in the morning
And need help to lift your head?
Do you read obituaries
And feel jealous of the dead?
It's like living on a cliffside
Not knowing when you'll dive...
Do you know
Do you know, what it's like to die alive?

When the world that once had color fades to white and gray and black...
When tomorrow terrifies you, but you'll die if you look back.

You don't know.
I know you don't know.
You say that you're hurting--
It sure doesn't show.
You don't know...
It lays me so low
When you say let go,
And I say
You don't know.

The sensation that you're screaming,
But you never make a sound.
Or the feeling that you're falling,
But you never hit the ground--
It just keeps on rushing at you
Day by day by day by day...
You don't know
You don't know what it's like to live that way.
Like a refugee, a fugitive, forever on the run...
If it gets me, it will kill me-- but I don't know what I've done.

DAN
Can you tell me
What it is you're afraid of?
And can you tell me why I'm afraid it's me?
Can I touch you?
We've been fine for so long now,
How could something go wrong that I can't see?
'Cause I'm holding on,
And I won't let go
I just thought you should know...

I am the one who knows you,
I am the one who cares,
I am the one who's always been there.
I am the one who's helped you
And if you think that I just don't give a damn,
Then you just don't know who I am.

Could you leave me

GABE
Hey, Dad, it's me.

DAN
Could you let me go under?

GABE
Why can't you see?

DAN
Will you watch as I drown
And wonder why

GABE
I wonder why.

DAN
Are you bleeding?

GABE
Are you waiting, are you wishing,
Are you wanting all that she can't give?

DAN
Are you bruised, are you broken?

GABE
Are you hurting, are you healing,
Are you hoping for a life to live?

DAN
Does it help you to know
That so am I

GABE
Well, so am I.

DAN
Tell me what to do

GABE
Look at me.

DAN
Tell me who to be

GABE
Look at me.

DAN
So I can see what you see.

GABE
And you'll see...

DAN
I am the one who'll hold you

GABE
I am...

DAN
I am the one who'll stay

GABE
I am...

DAN
I am the one who won't walk away.

GABE
I won't walk away.

DAN
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I am the one who'll hear you

GABE
I am...

DAN
And now you tell me that I won't give a damn

GABE
You don't give a damn.

DAN
But I know you know who I am.

GABE
Who I am

DAN
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

GABE
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

DAN
That's who I am

GABE
I am

DAN
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

GABE
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

DAN
That's who I am

GABE
Who I am

DAN
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

GABE
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

DAN
That's who I am.
'Cause I'm holding on...

DIANA
You say you hurt like me...

GABE
And I won't let go...

DIANA
You say that you know...

DAN and GABE
Yeah, I thought you should know.
Oh...

DIANA
Oh...
You don't know.

DAN and GABE
I am the one who knows you,

DIANA
I know you don't know.

DAN and GABE
I am the one who cares,

DIANA
You say that you're hurting,
I know it ain't so.

DAN and GABE
I am the one who's always been there.

DIANA
You don't know...

DAN and GABE
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I am the one who needs you

DIANA
Why don't you just go?

DAN and GABE
And if you think that I just
Don't give a damn

DIANA
'Cause it lays me low
When I say,

DAN
Then you just don't know who I am

DIANA
You don't know...

DAN
Who I am

DIANA
You don't know...

DAN
Who I am

GABE
You just don't know who I am.

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