Flesh may freeze and stick to cold surfaces

This is a real figure in the Oxford dilution refrigerator manual.  Similarly, don't stick your tongue on cold surfaces.

What is the comedy ethos?

Thanks to Tina Fey and her awesome TV sitcom 30 Rock, I've become interested and even excited about comedy. I was a big fan of Scrubs for the past couple years, but that show focuses on a narrow brand of comedy: outrageous fantasy sequences and slapstick. 30 Rock has much more variety and takes far more risks.

I've been so impressed by Fey's work and reputation that I even gave Saturday Night Live (SNL) a second chance. I prefer longer-form, character-driven comedy, so the sketch comedy of SNL doesn't really appeal to me. But now I can appreciate sketch comedy in the broader context of the comedy ethos.

I may very well be wrong, but this is what I think the comedy ethos is: First, you can do whatever you want as long as you insult everyone/everything equally. In other words, you can insult whoever you like as long as you spare no one. Second, a true professional will do whatever it takes to make the audience laugh, no matter how disgusting/offensive/disturbing/insulting. Sometimes the goal is not to make people laugh in the "haha" sense, but to shock them or make them think about a topic they ignore or avoid.

I now understand the appeal of being a comedy performer. You are allowed to behave in crazy ways that you'd never get away with in proper society.

Song of the day: "Taylor the Latte Boy" by "Taylor the Latte Boy" by Marcy Heisler and Zina Goldrich

I became acquainted with this song after seeing the YouTube performance by Kristin Chenoweth. At first, I thought it was a ridiculously sappy song (search on YouTube for "taylor the latte boy rebuttal"), but after a while, I grew to enjoy it. The lyrics have a nice conversational quality and the music is mostly in my range, so I can actually sing it. By the way, Kristin's performance is fantastic. If it weren't for her performance, I would have dismissed this song right away. If you sing the song, you can substitute your own name for "Kristin."

There's a boy who works at Starbucks
Who is very inspirational.
He is very inspirational because of many things.

I come in at 8:11, and he smiles and says, "How are you?"
When he smiles and says, "How are you?"
I could swear my heart grows wings!

So today at 8:11
I decided I should meet him
I decided I should meet him
In a proper formal way.

So today at 8:11 when he smiled and said "How are you?"
I said "Fine and my name's Kristin"
And he softly answered, "Hey."

And I said "my name is Kristin, and thank you for the extra foam"
And he said his name was Taylor,
Which provides the inspiration for this poem:

Taylor the latte boy,
Bring me java, bring me joy!
Oh, Taylor the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him...

Well I'd like to get my nerve up
To recite my poem musical
He would like the fact it's musical
Because he plays guitar.
And today at 8:11, Taylor told me he was playing
In a band down in the village in the basement of a bar.

And he smoothly flipped the lever to prepare my double latte,
But for me he made it triple! (And he didn't think I knew)
But I saw him flip the lever, and for me he made it triple,
And I knew the triple latte meant that Taylor loved me too!
I said, "What time are you playing? And thank you for the extra skim..."
He said, "Keep the $3.55," because this triple latte was on him.

Taylor the latte boy,
Bring me java, bring me joy!
Oh, Taylor the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him...

I used to be the kind of girl
Who'd run when love rushed toward her.
Till finally a voice whispered, "Love can be yours,
If you step up to the counter and order."

Taylor the latte boy,
Bring me java, bring me joy!
Oh, Taylor the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him...

So many years my heart has waited,
Who'd have thought that love could be so caffeinated?

Taylor the latte boy,
I love him, I love him, I love him.
I love him, I love him, I love him.

Song of the day: "The Girl in 14G" by Jeanine Scanlon and Dick Tesori

I'm on a huge Kristin Chenoweth kick. She's amazing. Cute, charming, beautiful, gorgeous voice... who can ask for anything more? I've never seen anyone's charisma just pop out of the screen like that. She looks radiant in every photo taken of her, as if she was born in the spotlight. Check out her hilarious performance of "The Girl in 14G" with the Boston Pops.

I just moved in to 14G
So cozy, calm, and peaceful
Heaven for a mouse like me
With quiet by the lease-full
Pets are banned parties too
And no solicitations
Window seat with garden view
A perfect nook to read a book
I'm lost in my Jane Austen when I hear

[Dramatic opera]

Say it isnt so
Not the flat below
From an opera wanna be
In 13G
A matinee of Socantota
Wagner's Ring
And Traviata

[Dramatic opera]

My first night in 14G
I'll put up with Puccini
Brew myself a cup of tea
Crochet until shes fini
Half past eight
Not a peep
Except the clock tick-tockin
Now I lay me down to sleep
A comfy bed to rest my head
A stretch, a yawn, I'm almost gone when

[Scatting noisily]

Now the girl upstairs
[Laughs]
Wakes me unawares
Blowing down from 15G
Her revelry
She's scattin' like her name is Ella
Guess who answers a cappella

[escalating transitions between scatting and opera]

Im not one to
Raise my voice
Make a fuss
Or speak my mind
But might I query
Would you mind if
Could you kindly

STOP!
That felt good
STOP!

13, 15, 14G
A most unlikely trio
No quite three part harmony

All day and night we're singing
[All three sing]

I've had my fill of peace and quiet
Shout out loud, "I've changed my diet!"
All because of
14G

Song of the day: "What is this feeling?" by Stephen Schwartz

This song is ironically funny. It starts off a bit like a stereotypical first love song but then you realize the song is about hate, not love. Very clever, I enjoyed it. I love the way Kristin Chenoweth sang/spoke "flushed."

From Wicked

GALINDA:
(spoken) Dearest darlingest Momsie and Popsicle:

ELPHABA:
(spoken) My dear Father:

BOTH:
There's been some confusion
Over rooming here at Shiz:

ELPHABA:
But of course, I'll care for Nessa:

GALINDA:
But of course, I'll rise above it:

BOTH:
For I know that's how you'd want me to respond
(Spoken:) Yes
There's been some confusion
For you see, my roommate is:

GALINDA:
Unusually and exceedingly peculiar
And altogether quite impossible to describe:

ELPHABA:
Blonde.

GALINDA:
What is this feeling,
So sudden and new?

ELPHABA:
I felt the moment
I laid eyes on you;

GALINDA:
My pulse is rushing;

ELPHABA:
My head is reeling;

GALINDA:
My face is flushing;

BOTH:
What is this feeling?
Fervid as a flame,
Does it have a name?
Yes! Loathing
Unadulterated loathing

GALINDA:
For your face;

ELPHABA:
Your voice;

GALINDA:
Your clothing;

BOTH:
Let's just say - I loathe it all
Ev'ry little trait, however small
Makes my very flesh begin to crawl
With simple utter loathing
There's a strange exhilaration
In such total detestation
It's so pure, so strong!
Though I do admit it came on fast
Still I do believe that it can last
And I will be loathing
Loathing you
My whole life long!

STUDENTS:
Dear Galinda, you are just too good
How do you stand it? I don't think I could!
She's a terror! She's a Tartar!
We don't mean to show a bias,
But Galinda, you're a martyr!

GALINDA:
Well; these things are sent to try us!

STUDENTS:
Poor Galinda, forced to reside
With someone so disgusticified
We just want to tell you:
We're all on your side!
We share your;

BOTH:
What is this feeling
So sudden and new?
I felt the moment I laid eyes on you
My pulse is rushing
My head is reeling
Oh, what is this feeling?
Does it have a name?
Yes
Ahhh

STUDENTS (BACKGROUND):
Loathing Unadulterated loathing
For her face, her voice, her clothing
Let's just say - we loathe it all
Ev'ry little trait however small
Makes our very flesh being to crawl
AHHH!

ALL:
Loathing!

STUDENTS:
Loathing

BOTH:
There's a strange exhilaration

STUDENTS:
Loathing

BOTH:
In such total detestation

STUDENTS:
Loathing

BOTH:
It's so pure, so strong

STUDENTS:
So strong!

BOTH:
Though I do admit it came on fast
Still I do believe that it can last
And I will be...

STUDENS (BACKGROUND):
Loathing...

BOTH:
Loathing
For forever...

STUDENTS (BACKGROUND):
Loathing...

BOTH:
Loathing,
Truly deeply loathing you
Loathing you
My whole life long!

STUDENTS:
Loathing
Unadulterated loathing

ELPHABA:
Boo!

GALINDA:
AH!

A tale of two super brothers (sisters)

This is a tale of two brothers (sisters).

The two brothers (sisters) love each other very much. In fact, they share a house together. Ah, they live the American dream -- a house complete with a white picket fence and a "green" pipe for getting around (the siblings are environmentally conscious).


Notice that the house has the name of the older brother (sister) on it. Of course, Mario (qmechanic) is much more famous and important that his (her) younger sibling.


Mario (qmechanic), being the wiser and more mature brother (sister), frequently travels far from the house. When he (she) gets home, he (she) always sits down with bro (sis) Luigi to retell the adventure. This is one of the few times when Mario (qmechanic) talks more than his (her) brother (sister). When the siblings talk over the phone, Luigi is usually the loquacious one. To be fair, Luigi also goes on adventures, but the tales he (she) tells are so ridiculously exaggerated, who knows what happened? Just ask Luigi's partner, Blooey.


The house is decorated with white walls, as young Luigi favors a minimalistic scheme. The plant is probably not Enitsirk...


Note the bunk bed. Both brothers (sisters) enjoy sleeping. Their favorite lullaby is sung by Crazee Dayzee: "laaaa la la laa laa laa laaaa dink!" Though Mario (qmechanic) admits that Luigi's expensive gift of the sun clock also works very well.


As much as they love each other, they have the usual sibling rivalry. One day, Mario (qmechanic) found Luigi's diary.

First page:

Once again, my brother went on an exciting journey. Once again, he went alone. It's so unfair! I remember the carefree days when we played Golf and Tennis and had Parties. I remodeled the house and made a secret basement. My brother has no idea! It's the perfect place to write in you, my secret diary. I heard that a ghost appeared in Toad Town today. It was big, really big. And it had red eyes, a giant, gaping mouth and a mustache.

Second page:

..........Because you're my secret diary, I'll tell the truth: Yaaaah! I hate ghosts!! What will I do if it appears at night! Come back, Mario! I'm scared! Yikes! I can feel something behind me. Ahhh! I'm sure it's there, but I can't look back! No! No! Get away! I think I'll be safe if I don't freeze with fear. I'll just shut my eyes and take five steps back, and then I'll jump and dash into bed. Here I go!

Although Mario (qmechanic) used to beat up on his (her) brother (sister) when they were younger, Luigi secretly looks up to Mario (qmechanic).

In the later pages of the diary, Luigi writes of his (her) wish.


The wish had been written in pencil and subsequently erased, but the letters were still faintly legible.


Despite being ordinary plumbers (grad students) in their day jobs, they moonlight as superheroes. Hopefully, they will go on an adventure together in the near future!


Footnote: A few corrections are in order. Okay, we don't live in a house together yet, but we have thought about it. Despite the picture, qmechanic is actually taller than her sister. Also, qmnechanic's sister says she prefers red over green. It is true that qmechanic's sister lacks coordination. Remember all the times her character fell into a pit or into water while playing Thousand Year Door?

And just kidding about the diary. But wait... qmechanic better check the floor boards...

Goal celebration ideas

I've been watching YouTube videos of hockey goal celebrations. There are some great ideas which I will list here. They go start from classic technique and progress towards higher and higher risk of getting an unsportman-like conduct penalty.

1. Raise your stick high above your head.
   
2. Jump into your teammate's arms.
   
3. Glove bump your teammates.
   
4. Drop down on one knee and do a fist pump.
   
5. Glide on one skate and do a fist pump.
   
6. Spin around while you skate forward.
   
7. Shoulder check/jump into the glass.
   
8. Do a butt slide.
   
9. Make snow angels.
   
10. High step, knees high.
    
11. Jump up and down, both skates in the air.
    
12. Sprint down the ice, drop to your knees, and pump your fists.
    
13. Skate by your team's bench and glove bump everyone on the bench.
    
14. Sprint down the ice, fall down, and swim freestyle with your arms.
    
15. Slide on your butt and use your stick to row kayak-style.
    
16. Drop down on the ice and do pushups.
    
17. Lie down on your back and bench press your stick.
    
18. Take a bow.
    
19. Go up to your assisting teammate, drop on one knee, and propose to him/her.
    
20. Knight your teammate.
    
21. Sheathe your stick like a sword and salute.
    
22. Play air guitar on your stick.
    
23. Blow a kiss.
    
24. Kiss your teammate.
    
25. Pretend to faint and resist your teammates's attempts to wake you up.
    
26. Throw one glove into the air and shoot at it with your stick machine gun style.
    
27. Line up your teammates and shoot them with your stick. They all fall down as you shoot them.
    
28. Mime pulling an arrow from your back and shooting it with your stick as a bow.
    
29. Pose for a picture with one teammate and have another teammate mime shooting the photo.
    
30. Have your teammates escort you back to the bench like bodyguards.
    
31. Go up to the glass, breathe on it to fog it up, and sign your name on it.
    
32. Put your stick between your legs and ride it like a pony.
    
33. Put your skate on your teammate's knee and have him/her shine your boot for you.
    
34. Hold your stick by the blade like a cane, put your glove over your eyes, and tap your stick butt on the ice like a blind person.
    
35. Fish the puck out of the net, pretend to sign it, and hand it to the goalie.
    
36. Grab the goalie's water bottle and spray the goalie.
    
37. Lean on the net, and drink from the goalie's water bottle like it's champagne. Hand the bottle back to the goalie.

Summer hockey league team names

Today, I'm playing hockey. Our summer league hockey games are on Thursday nights. It's hard to believe, but I've been playing in this league for the past four summers!

I remember a funny conversation I had with a woman last year (who plays on my women's team during the regular season). Whoever managed our summer hockey league that summer decided to give the teams, let's say, "interesting" names. The woman complained:

How can I tell my kids that I play on Team Psycho??!! Well, at least, I don't play on Team Plumber's Crack. That would be even worse.

Song of the day: "Now" by Stephen Sondheim

I love the humor and wit of this song. The lyrics just roll off your tongue.

From A Little Night Music

Now, as the sweet imbecilities
Tumble so lavishly
Onto her lap,
Now, there are two possibilities:
A, I could ravish her,
B, I could nap.
Say
It's the ravishment, then we see
The option
That follows, of course:
A,
The deployment of charm, or B,
The adoption
Of physical force.
Now, B might arouse her,
But if I assume
I trip on my trouser
Leg crossing the room...
Her hair getting tangled,
Her stays getting snapped,
My nerves would be jangled,
My energy sapped...
Removing her clothing
Would take me all day,
And her subsequent loathing
Would turn me away,
Which eliminates B
And which leaves us with A.

Now, insofar as approaching it,
What would be festive
But have its effect?
Now, there are two ways of broaching it:
A, the suggestive,
And B, the direct.
Say
That I settle on B, to wit,
A charmingly
Lecherous mood,
A,
I could put on my nightshirt or sit
Disarmingly,
B, in the nude.
That might be effective;
My body's all right--
But not in perspective
And not in the light.
I'm bound to be chilly
And feel a buffoon,
But nightshirts are silly
In mid-afternoon.
Which leaves the suggestive,
But how to proceed?
Although she gets restive,
Perhaps I could read.
In view of her penchant
For something romantic,
De Sade is to trenchant
And Dickens too frantic,
And Stendhal would ruin
The plan of attack,
As there isn't much blue in
"The Red and the Black."
De Maupassant's candour
Would cause her dismay,
The Brontes are grander
But not very gay,
Her taste is much blander,
I'm sorry to say,
But is Hans Christian Ander-
Sen ever risque?
Which eliminates A...

Now, with my mental facilities
Partially muddied
And ready to snap,
Now, though there are possibilities
Still to be studied,
I might as well nap.
Bow
Though I must
To adjust
My original plan,
How
Shall I sleep
Half as deep
As I usually can,
When now I still want and/or love you,
Now as always,
Now, Anne?

Song of the day: "You must meet my wife" by Stephen Sondheim

One of Sondheim's best comic songs. And as usual, with Sondheim, comic songs are witty. The most famous line in the song is "What is she, a bird?"

From A Little Night Music

FREDRIK:
She lightens my sadness,
She livens my days,
She bursts with a kind of madness
My well-ordered ways.
My happiest mistake, the ache of my life:
You must meet my wife.
She bubbles with pleasure,
She glows with surprise,
Disrupts my accustomed leisure
And ruffles my ties.
I don't know even now quite how it began.
You must meet my wife, my Anne.
One thousand whims to which I give in,
Since her smallest tear turns me ashen.
I never dreamed that I could live in
So completely demented, contented a fashion.
So sunlike, so winning,
So unlike a wife.
I do think that I'm beginning
To show signs of life.
Don't ask me how at my age one still can grow--
If you met my wife, you'd know.

DESIREE:
Dear Fredrik, I'm just longing to meet her. Sometime.

FREDRIK:
She sparkles...

DESIREE:
How pleasant.

FREDRIK:
She twinkles...

DESIREE:
How nice.

FREDRIK:
Her youth is a sort of present--

DESIREE:
Whatever the price.

FREDRIK:
The incandescent--what?--the--

DESIREE:
Light?

FREDRIK:
--of my life.
You must meet my wife.

DESIREE:
Yes, I must. I really must. Now--

FREDRIK:
She flutters.

DESIREE:
How charming.

FREDRIK:
She twitters.

DESIREE:
My word!

FREDRIK:
She floats.

DESIREE:
Isn't that alarming?
What is she, a bird?

FREDRIK:
She makes me feel I'm--what?--

DESIREE:
A very old man.

FREDRIK:
Yes--no!

DESIREE:
No?

FREDRIK:
But--

DESIREE:
I must meet your Gertrude.

FREDRIK:
My Anne.

DESIREE:
Sorry--Anne.

FREDRIK:
She loves my voice, my walk, my mustache,
The cigar, in fact, that I'm smoking.
She'll watch me puff until it's just ash,
Then she'll save the cigar butt.

DESIREE:
Bizarre, but
You're joking.

FREDRIK:
She dotes on--

DESIREE:
Your dimple.

FREDRIK:
My snoring.

DESIREE:
How dear.

FREDRIK:
The point is, she's really simple.

DESIREE:
Yes, that much seems clear.

FREDRIK:
She gives me funny names--

DESIREE:
Like?

FREDRIK:
"Old Dry-as-Dust."

DESIREE:
Wouldn't she just?

FREDRIK:
You must meet my wife.

DESIREE:
Yes, I must, yes, I must.

FREDRIK:
A sea of whims that I submerge in,
Yet so loveable in repentance.
Unfortunately still a virgin,
But you can't force a flower--

DESIREE:
Don't finish that sentence!
She's monstrous!

FREDRIK:
She's frightened.

DESIREE:
Unfeeling!

FREDRIK:
Unversed.
She'd strike you as unenlightened--

DESIREE:
No, I'd strike her first.

FREDRIK:
Her reticence, her apprehension--

DESIREE:
Her crust!

FREDRIK:
No!

DESIREE:
Yes!

FREDRIK:
No!

DESIREE:
Fredrik!

FREDRIK:
You must meet my wife.

DESIREE:
Let me get my hat and my knife!

FREDRIK:
What was that?

DESIREE:
I must meet your wife.

FREDRIK and DESIREE:
Yes, you must. Yes, I must.

Quote of the day: Office revenge according to Peter Fisher

One of my favorite quotes from the Fisher Files (Sequence II, Episode 2: Screwed!):

There are going to be those situations where you are going to want to retaliate and in general, I counsel against that. Satisfying as it is, it usually doesn't achieve its end; it really doesn't make things better. However, if you feel that you just really have to retaliate, a really interesting thing to do, particularly during the summer, is, if the person has an office or a desk or something, get a fish. And depending on whether it's a large office, you might want a larger fish, a bluefish or something. A smaller desk, maybe a herring. Wrap it tightly in foil and hide it really really well. And what happens is as the fish begins to rot, there's just this kind of lingering odor which never quite gets bad enough to do anything about but is obnoxious. And especially if you get the right kind of fish, it smells vaguely human. Again, I don't recommend this, but if you really have to do something, this is a pretty good thing to do.
- Peter Fisher

Heard in group meeting

My research group is made up of approximately 5 theorists (including my advisor) and 8 experimentalists (including their advisor). At a recent group meeting, an experimental grad student presented the following data:


My advisor says: "What did the theorists do wrong??" After the group meeting, he tells the grad student, "you must have been standing too close to your sample. Your magnetic personality messed up your data!" As we are walking back to our offices, my advisor says "I'm thinking of adding a term to our Hamiltonian called H sub crap."

Link of the day: The Tao of Backup

This is a truly funny and clever way to explain why backups are important and how to backup properly.

Link of the day: Chronicle of Higher Education, Career News Section

I've gotten a really great perspective about academia from reading the Career News section of the Chronicle of Higher Education. It can be really funny sometimes, too. Career News is also the only free section. I highly recommend reading it, no matter your field of study, if you are a graduate student or postdoc. There is also an RSS feed.

Humor from the perspective of a Stanford chemistry grad student

Sam Lord manages to keep life light despite slaving away in a physical chemistry lab at Stanford. Here are a few humorous posts from his "best" post list:

• Laboratory "motivation" posters
  
• Worst figure ever (good? science): How to tell if your rabbit is dead
  
• Worst figure ever (definitely bad science): correlation between fatness and stupidity
  
• how to become a pretentious chemistry grad student
  

Link of the day: Daily Confession

Do you feel like a bad person? Maybe you should confess... on the internet... for everyone to see! I was amused to learn of a site where you can do exactly that called Daily Confession. It amazes me that people actually write comments.

Song of the day: "Ants Marching" by Dave Matthews Band

Yeah, it's a silly song, but I like the upbeat nature of the music.

He wakes up in the morning
Does his teeth bite to eat and he's rolling
Never changes a thing
The week ends the week begins
She thinks, we look at each other
Wondering what the other is thinking
But we never say a thing
These crimes between us grow deeper

Goes to visit his mommy
She feeds him well his concerns
He forgets them
And remembers being small
Playing under the table and dreaming

Take these chances
Place them in a box until a quieter time
Lights down, you up and die

Driving in on this highway
All these cars and upon the sidewalk
People in every direction
No words exchanged
No time to exchange

And all the little ants are marching
Red and black antennas waving
They all do it the same
They all do it the same way

Candyman tempting the thoughts of a
Sweet tooth tortured by the weight loss
Program cutting the corners
Loose end, loose end, cut, cut
On the fence, could not to offend
Cut, cut, cut, cut

Take these chances
Place them in a box until a quieter time
Lights down, you up and die

Link of the day: My outsourced life

I found this amusing Esquire article via Ramit Sethi's blog. I can't tell how much of it is fact and how much is fiction.

Link of the day: How to ruin your academic career

Do not bash famous people in your field in public places (like your personal blog). Or you will rue the day, as poor David G learned.

On this blog, I'm trying to stick to the convention of only criticizing myself and the vague selection of mankind whom I don't agree with.

Link of the day: Collection of physics limericks

You might enjoy some physics limericks.

I particularly liked this poem:

The Condensed Story of Miss Farad
by A. P. French

Miss Farad was pretty and sensual
And charged to a reckless potential;
But a rascal named Ohm
Conducted her home--
Her decline was, alas, exponential.